


You Keep Me Afloat

by rabbitearedwarbler



Category: Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: Depression, F/F, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-25
Updated: 2015-06-25
Packaged: 2018-04-06 03:43:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4206681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rabbitearedwarbler/pseuds/rabbitearedwarbler





	You Keep Me Afloat

Things were weird without JD. She didn’t completely understand why, but a part of Veronica missed him even after everything he’d done. It had become familiar, comfortable in its own way. Everything had changed.

The halls were quieter without the rambunctious Ram and Kurt. She’d never thought she’d miss them. Heather Chandler, too--their clique wasn’t really a clique anymore; all that was left of the Heathers was a power-hungry Heather Duke. Veronica supposed it was good that their group was sort of over. (Like she’d always said, she didn’t really like her friends anyway.) Now she hung with Martha again; Veronica knew she never should’ve left.

In fact, Veronica was at Martha’s house on a Friday night when the phone in Martha’s room went off. Martha picked it up with a cheery yet puzzled, “Hello?” She looked at Veronica. “It’s for you.”

Veronica gave Martha a confused look as she took the telephone. “Uh, hello?”

“Veronica. Y-your mom said you’d be at Martha’s. Sorry, nevermind, I can just h-hang up--” It was Heather McNamara, and she sounded like she was crying--or very close to it.

Veronica shook her head quickly. “Wait! Heather, it’s okay! What’s wrong?” Martha had left the room on her scooter with the excuse of getting more snacks, presumably to give Veronica some privacy.

To Veronica’s relief, Heather was still on the line. “I’ve been having...thoughts. I need help.” Her voice was shaky; Veronica instantly knew what Heather was talking about.

“Where are you?” she asked as Martha returned with two bags of chips and three boxes of cookies. In any other moment, she’d have laughed.

“My house,” Heather answered quietly.

Okay. She could do this. “Hang on. Don’t do anything--I’ll be right there.” Before Heather could have a chance to protest, Veronica hung up.

“I’m sorry. I have to go,” Veronica said, slipping on her flats and putting her coat on over her pajamas.

Martha nodded. “It’s okay; it sounded important.” She looked concerned. “Tell her I hope she feels better.”

Veronica nodded back, getting up and heading out the door of the room after grabbing a bag of chips and a box of cookies right out of Martha’s arms. “We can do this next week!” she called as she left the house.

It was a cold night. Veronica zipped up her jacket after a particularly strong gust of wind. She shivered, grateful that Heather's house was only a few blocks away.

She practically ran the entire way, her mind buzzing with worry. She was hugging the snacks to her chest as she finally came to a halt outside Heather's house. She considered thought for a moment about knocking on the front door for a moment, but it was almost 12:30AM, so she decided against it. She put the edge of the cookie package between her teeth and used one hand to hold the chips as she carefully climbed over the fence. Once she was on the grass, Veronica ran around the side of the house, where she found Heather's bedroom window. Since the window wasn't too high, Veronica jumped and reached the window sill with her free hand. With no small amount of effort, she finally managed to hold herself up with her forearm as she knocked on the window once before losing her grip and crashing to the ground.

“Eugh…” she groaned as she sat up, putting a hand to her head, “That could’ve gone smoother.”

A mere three seconds passed before the window above her slid open and a puzzled Heather poked her head out. When her eyes locked on Veronica lying on the ground, she said, “Veronica? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Veronica answered as she stood. “Uh...let down your hair or something so I can get up there. I brought snacks.” She picked up the two packages on the ground, hoping they hadn’t been crushed.

“Oh, uh...there’s a ladder in the garage,” Heather informed her, nodding toward the garage. “Should be open.”

Veronica felt a bit stupid for not trying to find a ladder in the first place. “Oh, right--okay. Be right back.” She turned and dropped the snacks on the grass as she made her way to the garage, hearing Heather’s soft laugh from the window.

Veronica actually found the ladder leaning against the side of the garage, and she wanted to face-palm. She carefully picked up the heavy ladder and struggled to bring it over to the house. She clumsily set it up by Heather’s window, both girls cringing at the noise it made. She grabbed the packages of snacks on the ground and finally climbed up and through the window. _“Dreadful etiquette, I know,”_ she remembered. She shuddered.

Heather shut the window, freeing Veronica from the cold wind. She ran her hands up and down her arms to warm them before giving Heather a crooked smile. “I’ve come to save you. With junk food.”

Heather sighed, walking in a circle to sit on her bed, where it was obvious she’d been curled up in a blanket next to the stuffed animals, journal, and her favorite books. It seemed she’d been trying just about everything to make herself happy. It made Veronica’s heart ache to watch. Heather was really going through some things. One could argue that everyone else had as well, but Veronica knew Heather was more affected by it all. She was so sensitive; she felt in a way not even Veronica could understand.

“Ronnie?” The soft voice snapped Veronica out of her thoughts. Heather was in her blanket again, hugging a stuffed rabbit to her chest. Veronica didn’t think Heather had ever called her that before. Smiling, Veronica slid onto the bed next to her, putting an arm around Heather’s shoulders, which had the blanket draped over them. She opened the junk food and put it in the center between them.

Taking a cookie for herself, Veronica softly said, “Tell me everything.”.

Looking closely at Heather, she looked worn, and her face was still red and blotchy from a recent crying fit. Veronica empathized, willing to do anything to cheer her friend up. She rubbed Heather's shoulder. Heather swallowed before she began, "I don't even know what's wrong. All that stuff going on at school, and I-I guess when I heard my parents arguing tonight I just sort of broke, you know?" She was almost sobbing as she leaned into Veronica and grabbed a handful of chips.

Veronica was silent, waiting for Heather to say everything she needed to.

"And I guess I've just been thi-inking too much. I couldn't sleep. So-ometimes I start to wonder...may-maybe I'd be doing everyone a favor if I left... No one seems to, like, w-want me around anyways." Heather's whole body shook as she confessed her thoughts, crying into Veronica, who hugged her tighter.

“Shh... **I** do. Heather, I’d miss you so much if you left me.” It was the truth; Veronica never really knew how great a friend Heather McNamara could be until the Heathers fell apart.

"Really?" Heather sniffled, looking up at Veronica's face, "You mean that?"

Veronica nodded vehemently. "Yes--with every ounce of my being."

Heather sighed, "Sometimes it's just so hard, though."

"When things get bad, talk to me. Thank you for calling me tonight." Veronica wasn't really sure what to say. "Stick around. Please. High school has to end eventually."

Heather wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her cardigan, nodding into Veronica's shoulder. "Hey, V-Veronica?"

"What's up?"

Heather seemed to hesitate. "Uh, there's...there's something else..."

"Huh?"  Veronica asked, "What is it?"

"Uh...w-well..." She shook her head. "Nevermind. Um, can we talk about something?"

Veronica decided not to press the issue. "Yeah, sure. Uh..." She resolved on trying to make Heather laugh. "You heard that ridiculous rumor going around about Heather, right?"

They talked until sunlight came shining in through the window, Veronica telling stories and stupid jokes (always succeeding in causing Heather to laugh). They finished off the junk food as they lay together. Heather was the first to fall asleep, drifting off practically sprawled over Veronica like a blanket.

Veronica yawned, using the arm that wasn't trapped underneath the other to stroke Heather's soft, blonde hair. "You hang in there," she mumbled. She sat there tiredly for a while before she at some point dozed off and fell into a deep sleep.

 

***

 

When Veronica woke up, it was to the pleasant aroma of pancakes. "Nnngh..." she groaned, moving around to stretch. She opened her eyes to find herself alone in Heather McNamara's room. Her back ached since she'd slept sitting up against the headboard, and she was now extremely hot in her jacket. As she stood she noticed the snack packages had been thrown away.

She removed the jacket and went to open the bedroom door just in time to see Heather walking up the stairs with a tray of breakfast food. "Oh," Heather said as she walked inside the room and closed the door with her foot, "I was going to surprise you." She sounded a little disappointed.

"Holy cow!" Veronica exclaimed as she took the platter from Heather. "I don't need this much food." There were a stack of pancakes, two omelets, orange juice,  chocolate milk, water, and waffles. She sat on the edge of Heather's bed with the food, eyeing it all.

Heather shrugged, looking a little embarrassed as she replied, "I wasn't sure what you wanted so I just got a little of everything."

Veronica laughed. "This could feed the whole family. Thanks." She decided she'd take the pancakes and the orange juice, offering everything else to Heather.

After they finished their meal Veronica asked, "What's the time?"

"About noon, now, " Heather replied with a glance at her watch.

"Shoot, I should probably get home," Veronica admitted guiltily. She didn't want to leave but her parents had wanted her home by 12:30; plus, she needed to call Martha.

"Oh. Okay." Veronica followed Heather down the steps as the blonde put the dishes in the sink. Heather walked her to the door, smiling slightly at her. "Thanks for everything."

Veronica waved, walking backwards out the door, her jacket in her arms. "Of course. Later, McNamara. See you Monday."

"Yeah, see you later!" Heather called in reply.

 

***

 

For the next two days Veronica stayed in her bedroom near her phone almost the entire time, waiting just in case it rang with a call from Heather. She was somehow a mixture of relieved and disappointed when it never did.

Veronica entered her classroom on Monday when Heather McNamara's voice called out to her. "Um, Veronica?" The dark-haired girl turned around to face her, resting her hand on her own desk, raising an inquisitive eyebrow. "Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to go, like, catch a movie or something after school. We should hang out more."

Veronica gave Heather a nod, wondering if there was a reason for Heather suddenly wanting to get together. "Yeah, sure. Sounds cool," she answered simply just in time for the bell to ring.

Heather grinned at her before retreating to her seat. She seemed a little nervous about something, but Veronica didn't question it; Heather, she'd found, was often shy when talking to people on her own.

Veronica's classes seemed to drag on forever that day; the only fast-paced time of day was lunch, when she sat next to Martha and across from Heather M. She hoped Martha and Heather would get to know each other and become good friends.

After the dismissal bell rang, the seventeen-year-old spotted Heather in the halls and quickened her pace to meet her. "Hey." She hooked arms with the other, whose blush Veronica failed to notice.

"Hi. Uh, whose car are we taking?"

Veronica was a little wary of leaving her car parked by the school, because she knew how awful and destructive the students could be. She opened her mouth to answer when they passed Ram's locker, and Veronica felt a pang in her heart. She still couldn't believe she'd agreed to any of JD's ideas.

Shaking her head and glancing at Heather, who was giving her a concerned look, Veronica replied, "Uh, yours would be good." She made the decision somewhat reluctantly, but she figured if anyone decided to vandalize a car that night they were less likely to mess with the self-proclaimed ruler of the school (because she knew she still intimidated some after the incident at the pep rally); at the very least, Veronica would probably be more equipped to handle their cruelty.

Heather agreed, and they soon reached her car. The blonde drove them to 7/11 to get some snacks and slushies. As Veronica sat in the car waiting for Heather to return with her pretzel, she closed her eyes against unwanted memories. She couldn't go anywhere without being reminded.

Heather came back before Veronica's thoughts could get too dark, handing her a pretzel and slushie. _Care for a hit?_ Veronica thought. She almost rolled her eyes but decided that would be odd. "Thanks."

They still had a few hours before the movie. Veronica chewed her soft pretzel and Heather sipped her slushie in a silence that wasn't quite comfortable. "So," Veronica said between mouthfuls, "How're you holding up? Is it better than it was on Friday?" She turned her head to look at Heather.

The blonde nodded as she quietly answered, "Yeah. You helped me a lot--so thank you."

"Of course," Veronica said, "I need someone to help me survive my last year of high school."

Heather's smile was slight as she responded, "It's more the other way around." Her smile faltered. "I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you."

Veronica’s face fell at the words, knowing it was true. When Heather had her breakdown in the school restroom, no one else would’ve stopped her. It would’ve been the end. Veronica shook her head; she tried not to think about the “what-ifs.” Exhaling slowly, Veronica took a moment to form a response. “Well, I’m glad I caught you in time before you could drown. The world would be a less beautiful place without you and your lovely soul in it.” She wasn’t quite sure where all that came from. At times Veronica could be rather eloquent, as if a poet hid inside her brain, and other times her words were blunt, often crude. Nonetheless, she went with it, flashing Heather a smile.

Heather, looking surprised, stared at her with wide eyes before letting out a short laugh. “Um...hey, Veronica? I, uh, there’s something I need to--”

They both jumped when something hit the driver’s side window. One of the kids from school was outside, messing around. Veronica rolled her eyes. “Wanna get out of here?”

Heather nodded quickly, setting down her frozen drink before putting the car in reverse. It was only after about twenty minutes that Veronica realized how quiet Heather was being, and that she wasn’t even sure where they were driving to.

“Heather?” she prodded.

The blonde jolted; it seemed her concentration had been broken. “Yeah?”

Veronica raised an eyebrow as she folded her napkin and set it in the cup holder. “What were you saying before?”

The other teenager deflated. “Oh. It’s not important. Really.”

Veronica was doubtful, but she settled on making a mental note of it and moving on. “Okay. You’re not going to drive us off a cliff, are you?” She was beginning to worry about where they were going.

Heather shook her head and swallowed. “Sorry...How much time do we have?”

Now that was a good question. Veronica glanced at the time displayed on the clock in Heather’s car. “We’ve got about an hour. Are you sure you’re okay?”

Heather was gripping the wheel with white knuckles, and the brunette was almost scared for her safety. “Yeah, yeah. I’m fine,” Heather insisted as she pulled up to an unknown driveway to change directions.

It took them about half an hour to get to the drive-in where Veronica assumed the movie would take place. Glancing around as they hopped out of the car, she noticed a few kids from school that she vaguely recognized.

Heather brought out a few blankets from her trunk and laid one out on the ground for them. Veronica opened her mouth to ask if she wanted kettle corn when Heather’s stomach growled. Veronica snorted, and Heather looked embarrassed. “Come on, I’ll buy us some hot dogs.”

It was still light outside, but Veronica knew it wouldn’t stay that way for long. The two girls strolled over to the concessions stand where Veronica ordered popcorn and two hot dogs. They walked back to their blanket and set their things down. Knowing it would get chilly, Veronica retrieved her sweatshirt from Heather’s car and pulled it over her head before coming to sit next to the blonde.

They chatted for a while, munching on their snacks, before finally the movie began playing. Veronica and Heather sat up against the front of Heather’s car; it had become darker, the moon shining through a cloudy sky, and the cold air was giving Veronica goosebumps.

The movie was serious; it wasn’t so cheesy that Veronica wasn’t paying attention at all, but she wasn’t completely invested in it. She heard Heather let out a soft sigh that turned into a yawn. It occurred to Veronica as she turned her head that Heather was adorable when she was sleepy.

The distance between them had shrunk since the movie had started, and by now Heather was cuddled into her side. “Comfy?” Veronica commented with a yawn of her own.

Heather nodded once before staring up into Veronica’s eyes. Veronica stared back, waiting. For what, she wasn’t entirely sure. After a moment, Heather whispered, “Veronica, I...there’s something I’ve been trying to tell you.” There was a brief pause. “And this is it.”

Before Veronica had a chance to say anything else, Heather was lifting herself up and placing her soft lips onto Veronica’s.

Taken aback, Veronica froze. The beautiful Heather McNamara kissed her and she just froze.

Although the contact had only lasted four seconds (not that Veronica was counting), it felt so much longer before Heather pulled back, eyes wide. She was panicking. “Oh my gosh,” she blubbered, “I’m so sorry, Veronica, I-I understand if you hate me now, please don’t hate me--”

Veronica cut her off by putting her hands on Heather’s shoulders. “Heather! It’s okay.” She smiled in the hope that it would calm Heather down. “I like you, too.”

The look of pure relief and joy on Heather’s face made Veronica’s heart skip. She tugged on Heather’s sleeve to bring her closer again, wrapping her arm around the other’s shoulders. Veronica kissed the top of her head. “See? Everything’s okay.”

Heather’s body relaxed, and a small smile graced her lips. “I can’t believe you took that well.” Her eyebrows furrowed. “After what happened to Kurt and Ram . . .”

Veronica hated not being truthful about what had happened, especially to Heather. She just nodded. “It’ll be okay.”

Heather sounded confused. “Wait, so--does this mean...will you...like, go out with me?”

Laughter bubbled up out of Veronica, and she rolled her eyes fondly. “Well, duh,” she replied, “Do you even have to ask?”

Later, the movie would end and they’d have to go home. Heather would kiss Veronica goodnight outside the brunette’s house, and both girls would lie in bed unable to sleep because their minds would be racing with thoughts about the other. Later, Veronica would be caught writing about Heather in her diary, and the students would tease them; Heather would cry. Their parents would find out, and they’d have to endure awkward questionings. Heather would still have thoughts too dark, and sometimes Veronica would have a hard time keeping her from drowning in them. Much, much later, they’d dance together at their senior prom.

For now, though, Veronica could be content with this moment of comfortable silence under dim lights, a moment of change, friendship, and love in its purest form.

For now, two souls could connect in peace.

 


End file.
